Friday, January 22, 2010

Happy 2010, and now for some pirates

I'm just sitting in my girlfriend's flat eating her crisps and waiting for her to get off work and watching News 24 when I see a story ripe with potential for awesomeness - a British couple currently held hostage by Somalian pirates were set to be rescued by special forces, but the operation has been called off due to Whitehall 'bungling'. This pisses me off, the SAS (or Commandos, both are brilliant) are all set to jump out of helicopters or maybe show up in jeeps with machine guns welded to them, then this real-life A Team episode in the making gets nixed just because some empty suit (probably named Daniel or Miles) in Whitehall fails to fill in the correct form or something. I despair at this incompetance, and am entirely sure that the world would be a better place if our special forces were just allowed to do whatever they fancied. Can you seriously imagine any situation that couldn't readily be solved by the SAS bursting in like Regan and Carter off The Sweeney and bashing heads together until everything is sorted out? If you can, send a SAE to You're Wrong.

Pirates in general would have a much harder time plying their vile trade if the Navy had license to go and sink their ships as in the good old days of the 18th century. Not only would it make the area safer for commercial shipping and stupid rich people to sail their yachts, but imagine the morale boost the nation would recieve from the knowledge that our sailors are tearing it up on the seven seas and beating up pirates like Master & Commander but with fuckoff great Gatling guns.

On the note of rich yachtsmen; I hope this couple will be alright, but if you happen to be the sort of person with the means to own a boat, surely there are more placid places to be sailing around in your million quid luxury yacht with 'VICTIM' stencilled down the side in MS Comic Sans? Like for instance, the places without BLOODTHIRSTY PIRATES in them? Say what you like about renting a pedal boat for an afternoon at Blackpool, at least the worst that can happen there is getting your 99 Flake shat in by a divebombing seagull. Pirates are violent dickheads, but some people are just thick.