Travel Update

-Artemiseum Line - service suspended due to the wrong kind of Persian triremes on the track. A replacement minotaur service is in place.

- Passengers are politely reminded to stand on the right side of the escalators, and not to get in a huff when someone hurrying down the left side politely asks you to move. Thank you.

- Escher Line - returning to abnormal service following a part-suspension between Obtuse and Abstruse due to emergency mindfucking work.

- Northern Line - poncing off parents and staying home all day playing Grand Theft Auto. Needs to get job, seriously.

- No no, the RIGHT side. Really, it's quite simple.

- Little Bighorn - heap congested due to many white double-tongues dead by tomahawks of Lakota and Cheyenne braves. Travel by alternative bloodbaths wherever possible.

- Kentish Town and Colindale are no longer speaking, due to Kentish Town finding a pair of Old Street's knickers in its laundry.

- Central Line is strawberry flavoured, Northern is blackcurrant. District and Circle, as lemon and lime, are least popular and will be left over in large quantities when all the nice tasting lines have been eaten.

- Arnos Grove - in service, but perilous. They delved too greedily and too deep. You know what they awoke in the long dark. Shadow and flame.

- The left side of the escalators now carries a passive electric charge. Hope you're wearing rubber soles, fuckface.